Tolkien, artist

Choices

 So what God/ess did I anger when I said "I DO" to my DH?  Sometimes I wonder. 


Apparently he had plans for Sunday.  I was fine with that.  He had picked up two shirts to give his Dad for Father's Day.  He handed them to me at Noon, tellling me that he had "told me to wrap them", although it was the first I had seen of them.  But, I grabbed a box and paper, and got it wrapped.  Then we went to the store for a "Happy Father's Day" card - yes, it was already Father's Day so guess how large the selection was?  And then we dropped by his father's home to give him the gift.  He was taking a nap, so we just left the package.  Then the s__t hit the fan. 




Apparently I said something off the cuff that sent him off.  He had been planning to go to Patio Town and a couple of other places, but no...he was going to go home and watch the baseball game and I could just suffer for the afternoon.  Hmmmm, I don't recall suffering.  I went home, had a bit to eat, played LOTRO for a short time, and then read.  I managed, after reading for a few more happy hours, to finish my latest Kushiel book and start Book 8 of the series.  Later that night I joined him to watch Transformers and the new series "Fallen Skies".  He's still pissed off at me, and I have no idea why. 



Once upon a time I was asked why I chose to marry my DH.  I said it was a matter of choices.  This was a choice that I walked into with eyes wide shut and with days like yesterday, I regret the choice.  But I'm pretty entrenched here and don't see any way out easily.  So I'll ride the rollercoaster and pull even more into myself - probably not the best reaction, but sometimes playing turtle can be helpful.  
 
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He's always been moody, and he's under a lot of stress, but I hate being the focus of it. *sigh* Thanks for the good wishes, tho.

- Erulisse (one L)
He's a Capricorn and he sits on grudges and anger for years, sometimes. I don't understand how he can do that, to me it would poison me forever. But he does. Eventually he'll become human again, but it is always for a short time. *sigh*

- Erulisse (one L)
Unfortunately, talking to him is like talking to a brick wall - there is no response at all. I really hate being married to a four-year-old sometimes.

- Erulisse (one L)
My Hubby is a Capricorn too - and his way to let me know he was mad at me was to stop talking. Eventually, I started doing the same thing. It nearly ended our marriage.

Once he's human again, perhaps you could set up an arrangement that you simply discuss things going on in your lives on a regular basis - like maybe going out to lunch once or twice a month? Sitting across a table from someone usually sparks conversation.

That's what Hubby and I did: he got paid bi-weekly, and I would drive down (20 miles) to pick him up during his lunch hour, cash the check and then go out to lunch at one of three or four decent lunch joints. Where we used to not communicate at all (ships passing in the night - literally) suddenly we started getting chances to air problems before they were problems. In the process, I re-discovered the really neat guy that I'd married. We're best friends now - we talk about everything ALL the time.

But it took work, both of us admitting that communicating was one of our main problems in the marriage, and commitment to fixing said problem. And it wasn't easy, even though I made it sound like it was.

My deepest sympathies, and hopes that something I wrote above can help (when things are open to receiving help, that is.) You have my number, if you need to vent. Use it with my blessings.

Edited at 2011-06-20 04:39 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Hun. I suspect that a good deal of the problem is that we also work together. So after more than 24 years of enforced 24/7 togetherness, if someone handed me a loaded gun I might use ig - well, not really, but it is a bit much and part of the reason that I'm so touchy sometimes :-) Thanks for you kind thoughts and offer, I may take you up on it :-) (What is it about those Capri's anyway - LOL?)

- Erulisse (one L)
I was once married to a man like that - it was hell. He was like that to the kids too and he wonders why they will not have anything to do with him.

I hope you can get him to listen and see that he is making you unhappy.

Yeah, hell can certainly describe my relationship at times. What's amazing is that we'll be married 32 years come September. What's even more amazing is that we're still alive - LOL.

- Erulisse (one L)
Thanks, Hun. Glad you had a great weekend tho. At least one of us did :-)

- Erulisse (one L)
He's bound to eventually, but probably not within my personal time table :-)

- Erulisse (one L)
{{{Hugs}}} Wish I had some advice. Aearwen's sounds good! But then, her advice usually is. :) Hang in there!
I agree, Aearwen usually is quite wise. Aearwen and I have so much in common, sometimes I feel as though we are twins separated at birth. She has turned into an amazing friend over this past year, I feel totally blessed in my friends.

- Erulisse (one L)
Husbands, possibly especially those of long-standing - can be like that...

Working together can't help if he's in that mood - unless it makes him shake out of it.

I find, sometimes, there is a lot to be said for me working days and him working nights! Although it can reduce communication to a minimum for 5 or 6 days at a time as we hardly see each other conscious for that length of time.