engarian (engarian) wrote,

Assailed by Doubts

It's crazy...or I'm crazy...or maybe a combination of the both. Questions are plaguing me this morning.

Whatever made me think that I actually had a plot lying in this vision?
How and more importantly WHY do these two get together?
Come on already, girl. Whatever made you think you had a novel in you let alone a novel in this storyline?
What was I thinking when I signed up for NaNoWriMo?

As you can tell, second week doubts and walls are hitting me early *sigh*. I always was precocious.

This is my smaller state map that has my timeline
marked with post-it arrows and notes. It sits
on the desktop next to me within easy reach.

But I will work my way though this, and it may be that on December 1st I will put this novel into a virtual drawer and never look at it again. I am planning to put it into that drawer for at least a month anyway, but at this point I am thinking that I will open the drawer in January and begin revision work.

My smaller map, taped up onto a closet door
in my den, has one of the routes marked on
it. I'll mark the other route within a day
or so.

So I'm pushing my doubts away again and telling myself that I will find out in January, when I start rewriting and fleshing things out, whether or not I actually have a story here.

The novel actually comprises two separate stories one hundred years apart. The part that is in the past is coming together really well. The part that exists in the present...well, it's stumbling a bit more. But, as a friend said to me, "Just write through these roadblocks." So that's what I'll do. And hopefully when I open that drawer again in January what stares back at me will be the kernel of something surprisingly good. At least that's my dream.

My larger topo map is now on the wall behind
my treadmill. I have already promised my poor
DH that the maps will be coming down during
the first week of December. I expect all of
them will have a lot of markers and notes on them
before they are pulled and folded.

Of course, just because I'm signing up for NaNo doesn't change other writing tasks. I signed up for the Yule Fic Exchange, but only because it doesn't have to be large and ponderous. The only question is whether my muse will allow me to be to the point or if it will force me to push out within the deadline. But I'm passing on the November LOTR Community Challenge because I'll be involved in the mountains. With my maps. And my computer. And my particular and peculiar take on insanity. Only 6:16:16:40 days left until NaNo begins.....Eeeeeeeeeeek!!!!
Tags: attitude, depression, map, nanowrimo, writing

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