engarian (engarian) wrote,
engarian
engarian

Motherhood

Yesterday was Mother's Day here in the United States, a day set aside by Congressional Order to honor and celebrate our mothers. It is a day when I always feel a little bit out of the picture because I'm not a mother and it was a conscious choice that I have rarely regretted. I can't, in all honesty, say that I have never regretted not being a mother, but most of the time I am happy with my decision, as selfish as it can be.





I came to the decision to not have children when I was quite young. I think it was about the time when I realized that if I had a child, my mother would be hovering over me, smothering me and trying to raise my child "better" than I could. It would lead to more fights and less understanding, increased stress and hidden rage, and it would be so generally uncomfortable that I simply decided that avoiding the situation would be for the best.



I just love this picture of Mother Jones marching down the streets of Colorado.


Let me be clear. I loved my mother. Mainly she was a supportive, talented, and energetic person who generously shared herself with me and my father, opened her house to my friends, and still had time for her crafts and artwork. But I am a person who values my privacy and my solitude, two words that didn't seem to exist in my mother's vocabulary. Anything I was doing was fodder for discussion. Anyone I met could be a linchpin for interrogation later. Any book I was reading was an open target for opinion, welcomed or not. Minor issues? Maybe. But after a lifetime of avoiding these flechettes, I shied away from any other doors of invitation. Thus - no children for me. I hope all of your mothers had a wonderful and well-deserved day of appreciation, and once more I am grateful, in my own way, that I am not one of the marching ranks.
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