The first version had an underlying bite, but by the time I went through four revisions, it was watered down. I keep looking at it and looking at it. I'm writing a full story of the scene, and that is working out really well, but I keep going back to this drabble. Yesterday I decided to print it out and work it again later this week. Hopefully I'll be happier with it.
I'm listening to John Tavener's "The Whale" on YouTube as I write this, something that was mentioned in today's "Composer's Datebook" as having been performed and impressed The Beatles so much that they arranged for it to be performed and recorded on the Apple label in 1970 and then once more to Ringo Starr's private label later on. It's haunting, atonal, wild. I think I'll have to listen to this again. I'm not sure about buying it, but it's well worth the listen to both parts.